This morning, I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as I saw a friend having her graduation picture (yearbook picture, as a matter of fact) as her Facebook profile’s primary photo. She’ll be graduating on time like most of my batch mates and sooo unlike me. tsk.tsk.tsk.
I tried hard to calm myself down. I kept reminding myself that I was ready for such things, supposedly at least. Instead, unwanted questions kept flooding my mind. Where did I go wrong? Was it the moment I chose to enter UP? Was it when I didn’t pursue Biology? Was it when I transferred to Diliman? Was it when I still tried for Education? Of course, these are questions with sensible answers that I refused to accept because I was so irrationally hurt. Only after I tore myself away from the computer did I truly calm down.
You see, I was “briefed” that college will take 4 years, just 4 years (in general) then viola! One will be prepared to search for employment. My college life had its own twists and turns. So far, I have been to 2 campuses and 3 courses and *gasp* it’s my fourth year. No one could blame me; I have every right to panic, get hurt and be jealous of my batch mates who’ll be graduating by the end of this school year. Graduating on time is a big deal.
*sigh*
I never thought I would be in this state. It’s not that miserable, I know, but it’s a little bit pitiful. It’s a pity I wasted a lot of time. It’s a pity I didn’t take some things seriously. It’s a pity I ended up like this. :|
*long sigh*
What I felt this morning made me strengthen my belief that there are good reasons working behind the scenes. Thank God I’m with a very supportive family – I guess what’s really important is that they’re still there for me, mistakes and all. Thank God I have met special people along those twists and turns – some of them are just around the corner giving me a push whenever I need one. Thank God I am still enjoying what most people can’t – studying and having a good education. Thank God I’m in this state – if not, I won’t realize how truly blessed I am, in ways I couldn’t imagine. :)
Para sa mga batch mates and friends kong graduating na:
Huwag sukuan ang mga theses, practicums, case studies at kung anupaman yan.
You’ve gone this far, congratulations!
I’m so proud of you.♥
Note to Self:
Sometimes, looking back on what you had motivates you to keep moving forward...there's a reason why you left. Keep going. :)
Keeping.The.Faith.♥
Monday, September 27, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Cowardice...*
Is when you let chances slip away.
Is when you choose to live with regrets.
Is when you push people away from you.
Is when you refuse to admit what you really feel.
Is YOU and I, personified.
*All because we are so damned afraid of getting hurt.
I.Know.I'm.Worth.It.♥
Monday, September 6, 2010
Someday, my prince will come...♥
Hence is what I find myself saying whenever I ponder about my being single. Darn. It's been a while...
I'm getting pretty impatient. *seriously kidding* ^^
Then, I came across this article from:
http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/relationships/relationships/view/20100808-285501/My-daughters-letter-to-the-man-she-will-love-someday
RELATIONSHIPS ARE always a difficult terrain to navigate.
As a woman, you spend hours pondering—alone or with your girl friends—the intricacies of the human heart. You always hope and pray that the next generation will get it better than you did.
Below is a letter I found in my daughter's website (I have her permission to share this). She wrote it to "the man I will someday love."
I was expecting to read a gushing, romantic, idealistic tome. I was humbled instead by her sentiments. It's filled with sensible expectations.
I pray that this will make every girl believe that hope does spring eternal, and even if your heart has been broken a few times, you can always put the pieces back together, and make it right the next time around.
Take your time. Don't rush and don't just "settle." If it's part of His plan, God's best awaits you out there.
Dear You,
I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist. There is a part of every little girl's heart that envisions her prince charming.
At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love's kiss.
In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who's willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.
Come high school, it's that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.
Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could've read as a kid.
A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like "All My Life" or "A Whole New World" in my head when I see him does not mean I don't hope that it'll ever happen.
I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I'm pretty sure our story will be epic.
However, I can't promise you that I'd make the world's most perfect princess. In fact I'll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I'll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.
I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.
I'll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that'll only be because I absolutely adore you. I'll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn't exist. I'll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.
I'll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I'll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.
I'll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.
I'll listen to your music and we'll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.
I won't be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won't need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.
You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I'm lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.
You'll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.
You'll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler's annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.
So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can't wait to love. Please know that I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you're out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.
With the hope I will be yours for always,
Me
♥♥♥
Prince or not a prince, knowing that there's someone who will help me make sense of the world someday makes all this waiting worthwhile. c:
I'm getting pretty impatient. *seriously kidding* ^^
Then, I came across this article from:
http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/relationships/relationships/view/20100808-285501/My-daughters-letter-to-the-man-she-will-love-someday
RELATIONSHIPS ARE always a difficult terrain to navigate.
As a woman, you spend hours pondering—alone or with your girl friends—the intricacies of the human heart. You always hope and pray that the next generation will get it better than you did.
Below is a letter I found in my daughter's website (I have her permission to share this). She wrote it to "the man I will someday love."
I was expecting to read a gushing, romantic, idealistic tome. I was humbled instead by her sentiments. It's filled with sensible expectations.
I pray that this will make every girl believe that hope does spring eternal, and even if your heart has been broken a few times, you can always put the pieces back together, and make it right the next time around.
Take your time. Don't rush and don't just "settle." If it's part of His plan, God's best awaits you out there.
Dear You,
I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist. There is a part of every little girl's heart that envisions her prince charming.
At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love's kiss.
In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who's willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.
Come high school, it's that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.
Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could've read as a kid.
A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like "All My Life" or "A Whole New World" in my head when I see him does not mean I don't hope that it'll ever happen.
I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I'm pretty sure our story will be epic.
However, I can't promise you that I'd make the world's most perfect princess. In fact I'll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I'll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.
I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.
I'll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that'll only be because I absolutely adore you. I'll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn't exist. I'll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.
I'll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I'll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.
I'll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.
I'll listen to your music and we'll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.
I won't be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won't need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.
You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I'm lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.
You'll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.
You'll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler's annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.
So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can't wait to love. Please know that I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you're out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.
With the hope I will be yours for always,
Me
♥♥♥
Prince or not a prince, knowing that there's someone who will help me make sense of the world someday makes all this waiting worthwhile. c:
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Of Life and Death
The Dash
Linda Ellis
I read a man who stood to speak,
At the funeral of a Friend.
He referred to the dates on his tombstone
From beginning...to the end.
He noted that first, comes the date of his birth,
And spoke of the following date with tears.
But he said what mattered most of all,
Was the dash in between those years.
For the dash represents
All the time he spent alive on earth.
And only those who loved him,
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love,
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard,
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged...
So when your eulogy is being read,
With your life's actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
And how you spent your dash?
c:
...I would love to spend my dash in a meaningful way. :)
Keep.The.Faith.♥
Linda Ellis
I read a man who stood to speak,
At the funeral of a Friend.
He referred to the dates on his tombstone
From beginning...to the end.
He noted that first, comes the date of his birth,
And spoke of the following date with tears.
But he said what mattered most of all,
Was the dash in between those years.
For the dash represents
All the time he spent alive on earth.
And only those who loved him,
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love,
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard,
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged...
So when your eulogy is being read,
With your life's actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
And how you spent your dash?
c:
...I would love to spend my dash in a meaningful way. :)
Keep.The.Faith.♥
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